{"id":40084,"date":"2020-05-05T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-05-05T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/newrcblog.wpengine.com\/adapt-and-evolve-its-okay-to-lament-the-loss-of-old-habits-as-you-adjust-to-a-new-reality\/"},"modified":"2022-12-30T06:49:32","modified_gmt":"2022-12-30T14:49:32","slug":"adapt-and-evolve-its-okay-to-lament-the-loss-of-old-habits-as-you-adjust-to-a-new-reality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"\/us\/en\/blog\/adapt-and-evolve-its-okay-to-lament-the-loss-of-old-habits-as-you-adjust-to-a-new-reality\/","title":{"rendered":"Adapt and evolve: It\u2019s okay to lament the loss of old habits as you adjust to a new reality"},"content":{"rendered":"

These days, I pretty much live in my master bedroom closet. I\u2019m not joking.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I wake up, go make sure the kids are eating breakfast, then bring my own breakfast back down to my room. Posting up in my makeshift office, I kick things off with a team stand up. And, I’m there pretty much all day after that. Later, I have dinner. We put the kids to bed. Since the upstairs TV is near the kids\u2019 rooms, my wife and I head back down to watch something in our bedroom. Then I go to sleep. All told, I\u2019m spending close to 21 hours a day in my room. It sucks.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There, I said it, it sucks. But you know what? That\u2019s okay. Admitting I\u2019m unhappy about the status quo is actually a sign of progress, and it\u2019s allowing me to take a step forward in coping with these unprecedented circumstances.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It is increasingly clear that this coronavirus lockdown will lead to permanent changes in how we work, live, and interact with one another for years to come. Like many others, I am moving toward the realization that this crisis is no blip on the radar. So I decided it might be time to set up a more permanent workspace. After weeks pounding away on my laptop, surrounded by old sport coats and dress shirts, I am finally looking to fix up a new office in our empty crawlspace.<\/span><\/p>\n

Since there isn\u2019t going to be a definitive end to this crisis \u2014 not in the way there was an end to World War II, with parades and ticker tape and heroes waving to crowds from convertibles \u2014 we are presented with a unique set of challenges. How do we return to some semblance of normalcy without the closure of a ticker-tape parade? What will the new normal look like? As a psychologist by training, I have started thinking about questions like these through the prism of the seven stages of grief: Shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance.<\/span><\/p>\n

Seven stages<\/b><\/p>\n

Pretty much by definition, something traumatic generally comes as a shock to your system. In this case, something that seemed like a science fiction story unfolding in a remote part of China one day, appeared on our doorsteps the next. \u201cWait, what’s going on with this? Yesterday everything was cool and now my kid’s school is closed,\u201d you think. \u201cWhat are we going to do?\u201d For a good number of us, a kind of temporary paralysis set in as events moved faster than our ability to comprehend.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

After that initial surprise, it doesn\u2019t take long to transition into the denial stage. \u201cWell it’s just like the flu,\u201d you equivocate. \u201cWe’re going to have a magic cure soon. It’s temporary. I can get by with a folding camping chair pulled up to the dining room table. Me and my kid can share that space a while.\u201d That went on for a week or so, as we put some temporary measures in place and lived one day to the next awaiting the all-clear signal that told us everything could go back to the way it was before.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t need to tell you, but we are still waiting. As social distancing measures continued week after week that denial started morphing into anger. For some \u2014 most of us \u2014 that edginess bubbles up in subtle ways. Maybe it boils over in the form of a little tiff with your partner or the occasional overreaction to something your kids did. You want to go outside. So do they. You want to go to your favorite restaurant. So do they. You want to meet your work colleagues face-to-face. So do they. Most of all, everybody wants to move around freely \u2014 just like they used to. Regardless of form, we are all saying something similar: \u201cI can\u2019t do things that I am used to and I\u2019m mad about it.\u201d It\u2019s frustrating.<\/span><\/p>\n

Because it gives us something to do, we move on to bargaining. This keeps us active as we try to develop some sense of control. Society at large has yet to go through the collective bargaining process as we balance priorities to transition out of the strictest days of lockdown \u2014 but there is a personal reckoning that is already underway. If only the gym were open, I would go every day. Once my favorite restaurant starts serving again I\u2019ll eat there every weekend. Eventually, we start trying to make the best of a bad situation. Perhaps yoga in the backyard or takeout will work.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Amid this internal back and forth, the real magnitude of the changes underway starts setting in. It clicks. \u201cThis might be the new normal,\u201d you think. \u201cMy staff meeting is really hard because people are all remote and the food from my favorite restaurant is not nearly as good as it used to be. It comes wrapped in plastic.” No matter the specifics, you realize that things really are different. You mourn the loss of the things that came before \u2014 and that\u2019s okay. It’s important to grieve. Just like someone who loses a limb or a job, or the melancholia that often comes with moving homes, it\u2019s supposed to feel at least a little bad.<\/span><\/p>\n

And yet you have little choice but to keep going. So you start trying new things. We may not get to have that office banter over by the coffee machine that I am so used to. But you know what? My team has adapted our culture to include an always-on video chat. Up on my second computer monitor, right now, I can see six or seven people I care about. If one of them wants to say something to somebody, they just unmute. “Hey does anybody know where the project file is?\u201d or “Hey, I’m going to grab some food,\u201d or even, “I need to give the kids a new project, I\u2019ll need an hour to get back to you.\u201d It\u2019s not the same as meeting together, but through trial and error, we start to adjust and make things work. We try new things, fail, then try again and fail better.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Greener on the other side<\/b><\/p>\n

Acceptance is the last stage, and I don\u2019t know if any of us can claim to be fully there yet. I know I\u2019m not. We are still guessing what things might look like tomorrow. Still, I am finding it helpful to use these seven stages of grief as a framework to track the evolution of my own thinking. I know I need to get out of the bedroom closet. I feel acceptance coming on.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

My house is on a hill and the foundation at the front of the house is a little off kilter. Water tends to flow into the crawlspace. For a year or so, we talked about fixing the foundation and converting it into a guest room or office. But, there was no urgency. After all, I work in an office already.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The demolition work on the crawlspace was complete ages ago, but there\u2019s nobody ready to do the rebuilding. So I\u2019m buying some nice curtains to hide the debris and turn it into an office. The final fix-up gets pushed back to a later date, but at least I will have a semi-permanent workspace.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I wonder why this simple act has taken me months to achieve, and I realize that I\u2019m reluctant to let go of what was. Somewhere, unrealistic as it is, I hold out hopes that I am going to be able to return to my old routine. Right around the corner, my old life is waiting for me, ready to return. It\u2019s like I\u2019m waiting for that ticker tape parade to give me an all clear signal.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In that instance I need to admit to myself what I already know, but in other aspects of life, I feel like I have progressed a good deal further. I take an hour each afternoon for some outdoor exercise with my wife and kids. Meanwhile, we are planting beans, lettuce and other things in the garden. The novelty of the lockdown is wearing off and it\u2019s becoming clear we are running a longer race now. I don’t think a garden is going to be a necessity to feed the family in the future \u2014 we\u2019re not panic buying goats to milk in the backyard \u2014 but I do think homegrown vegetables can make August and September a little more delicious. Combine that with a little more office space, and a little more tolerance, and you might say I am moving toward acceptance.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

These days, I pretty much live in my master bedroom closet. I\u2019m not joking.\u00a0 I wake up, go make sure the kids are eating breakfast, then bring my own breakfast back down to my room. Posting up in my makeshift office, I kick things off with a team stand up. And, I’m there pretty much …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":29,"featured_media":40085,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17901,18390],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-40084","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-business-leadership","category-communication-and-collaboration"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nAdapt and evolve: It\u2019s okay to lament the loss of old habits as you adjust to a new reality | RingCentral Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"These days, I pretty much live in my master bedroom closet. 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